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Oh, how times change.

Hello World,
I look back at all the things I wrote in this live journal and it makes me laugh. It's fun to see the old me and look at how much I have changed since then. I must admit somethings are still the same. I still love Cisco very much. We are going on almost a year now. I'm still a little confused with school but, I think I have a plan. After this semester I am four classes away from getting my AA. I need two math classes, Contemporary Literature, and History and Appreciation of Jazz. Then I can move on. I plan on transferring to FAU (even though it's over priced) as a Political science and government major. I can't decided if I should also get certified to teach. But, I also want to get certified to become a paralegal. So, I have a few roads to go down which, is better than no roads.
A Few entries ago I noticed how I was bitching about working at Quizno's subs again. Well, It's no longer an issue because in August Quiznos on lantana and jog closed. Luckily I have a job at South Fork High School teaching the color guard. So, Cisco and I moved to Port Saint Lucie where I tried to find another job. It took me what feels like forever to find a job. We actually gave up and decided to move back to Lake Worth last weekend. Then on Sunday I received a call from Duffy's on Saint Lucie West. Where I went and had an interview on Monday, Then orientation on Tuesday and now tomorrow I start training! I am so excited to have a job again. I was so bored.
Last Sunday I did something I never thought I would do. I tried out for Braddock Independent! I had such a great time. It was fast Paced, Hard, and a little nerve racking. But, I had the time of my life. It's the first time in a long time I actually couldn't wait to get back into rehearsal after a lunch break. I'm not going to lie, it was hard, kinda. But Oh My!! was it fun. It actually made me respect the sport again. I think everyone who is involved with Color Guard even if you don't think you can make it, as long as you don't get frustrated easy you need to audition for a world guard. It is the best experience ever!!
Other than that, thats really all I have been up to. My class starts in october (I love express classes) so all I've been doing is teaching and enjoying life with my baby and his family.

Good Night!

-Michelle

Dec. 4th, 2009

I think every college student goes through what I am going through right now. I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

Here's what I do know:
I know that I am with the love of my life and that Cisco is definitely the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I know that my color guard days are coming to an end and I cannot wait until they do so I have more "me" time.
I know that whatever I decide to do with my life it has to be good enough to support my future lifestyle and family.
I know I want a family.

What I don't know:
I don't know that I want to be a teacher. In fact I don't know what to do at all. It seems like everything takes so much time to get into so if I ended up not liking the job I end up with it will take forever to try and switch to another job.

I'm so over school I never want to go.. actually I don't remember ever wanting to go even in grade school. :P I don't want to be a failure to society. I want to be able to afford things for my kids and husband. I'm thinking to far ahead I know. I am only 20 years old I shouldn't be worried about this kind of stuff. I should be out partying and having fun with my boyfriend and other friends. But the more I think about it. A family is what I want more then anything. I must be going through that womanly stage. It's awful.

I wish I could find the perfect job for me. Something I like doing and can make enough money to support my self.. Maybe I need to take a test that tells me what my future career should be. Maybe I'm crazy..

I'm sure one day I will figure this out.. I just hope it's not to late.. I'm always so BiPolar with my decisions. I lose motivation so quickly... what's wrong with me..

On the Bright Side... I LOVE CISCO VERY MUCH! and I couldn't be happier that we ended up together.

I do feel sorry sometimes with how I treated Mike but at the same time I think it's good we didn't work out because now he is with a girl he likes very much and I hope they last!! So it's like everything worked out for the better... Funny how things work out... I couldn't be happier...

Speaking of Cisco I need to find him the perfect christmas present and I have no idea what to get him.. hmm... I need to get on it.. I never know what kinds of things boys like to get as a present.
It needs to be something that says I love you, and your my best friend but is also boyish/manly ^_^
Maybe I'll buy him socks lol.. JK but the boy does needs some socks haha... well see...

c-ya later..- Chelle

:'(

uugghhhh... make it stop... or give me more liqueur... why wont it go away...

Addition.

Lyrics to Gravity:

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

Download this song.. By Sara Bareilles...

Make me stop.

...you...

UUGGGHH... I'm so confused I can't even explain. I don't understand what I'm feeling.. I'm not sure if I should cry or just let it go cause I knew what I was doing. I do it to my self. I always want what isn't for me..

Why isn't anything for me?

Am I being selfish again?



Tell me to stop.
Tell me to give up, please..

CISCO SUNDAY!

Thing I used to vent,

Today, Cisco Sunday was awesome! It started off slow. I went to get my nails done with lindsay and got hit on by 2 Vietnamese guys. They were funny. Then lindz talked me into going out to World Market (I fucking love that store) and to Michael's (which sucked cause they were like out of everything). Then I came home, took a shower, and drove up to Port St Lucie where Cisco Sunday began. First I tried to dog-nap his puppy. Then, we dove to the mall and walked around. My fat ass ate a pretzel and bought a cute little phone charm. Then, we went to Starbucks (fucking delicious). Then, we went back to his house where his mother made fun of him and I played on the computer a little and laid on the futon. I wanted to take a nap but nooo... I was playing with the doggie anyways.. soo cute <3. Then, we drove to downtown stuart and ate at some chinese buffet where once again I got hit on ish buy some chinese guy. he was kinda cute except for his mullet haha.. Cisco says he looks like a monkey hehe. He's just jealous. LOVE YOU CISCO! lol. Then we went home.. and I went home home.. and talked to mike about names for kids that im not going to have lol dont ask. But it was cute... Ian told me he had a dream where I died But according to the vietnamese boys that means good luck so thats cool i guess. I talked to kyle alittle bit via text which is always nice. and now im talking to cisco sean and anish online.. good times..

overall good day.. good job guys lol

<3 chelle

Oh The Ranting.

Journal,
Work is lame. I can't believe I actually went back to Quizno's, but then again everyone comes back. I think this is my third time returning to the "oh so fabulous" sub shop. I love the people I work with and I get paid to do nothing. That's a lot more than I can say about Victoria's secret. That job was truly awful. I'm almost positive those people are challenged. Whatever as long as I'm getting paid it doesn't matter. Besides they give me a lot of hours.

School is a SNOOZE FEST! Year two at PBCC consists of: Biology, Contemporary Literature, and Intermediate Algebra. (cause I suck at math) Right now it's just the Bio and Alg. My Contemp. Lit class doesn't start 'till September 22. I have a very easy school schedule compared to the past which is nice.

It's weird, When I was on tour I thought coming home and getting back into the normal schedule would be so strange and fun. but, now that I'm home I am so bored and I have to much time to think about shit. I miss showering with all the not so pretty girls and waking up next to sweaty boys in hot roach infested gyms. Ok, maybe not the roach part. But I'm sure you get the point. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to do drum corp again, but sitting around all day is so.. BLAH.. I feel like I'm getting fat. Which, on me is impossible. I want to travel the world. I really want to go to China with Michelle. I mean yeah we talk about it, but I want it to actually happen! I want to see everything. Even all the places they tell you not to go like Afghanistan and some place in Africa. Maybe I should just join the Marines or whatever. Then I could go where ever I wanted. My parents would probably kill me. I always wanted to join the peace corp and like teach african kids how to read and what not. But I'm sure just like everything else granny will say its a waist of time. Ugh there is so much I want to do. I mean we only live once right? I should do everything!! I just wish I had people to do it with.

I've spent my whole life doing one thing.. Color guard.. If I stop now I'll be letting people down.. But if I don't stop soon.. there will be so much I will miss out on. I can't wait to graduate from college and be free from education. Once I become a teacher or whatever I will have summers off and I will see the world for sure! I just wish there was someone to share it with.

-Chelle

updated? NO SHIT!

helpme,
I wish I understood all that I thought and felt. But, that would be too easy wouldn't it. I guess if life were easy it just wouldn't be as much fun?.. I really hate this whole being alone thing. It's not necessarily that I want a boyfriend. Because whether he's my boyfriend or not its doesn't change the fact that I'm crazy about him. His smile drives me crazy and that kiss makes me weak. His eyes are so relaxing I get lost in the way he looks at me. I don't understand how its possible for a person to not even touch me and have the effect that he has on me. The worst part is he doesn't even know what he's doing. So to him looking at me is like looking at anyone else.. which I'm sure now after I've told him how I felt he just looks at me like I'm Pathetic. Why do I fall so easy.. and when I do why is it so hard to get back up.
Dating Dj taught me a lot.. most things to make me a better person but one thing was to never fall as hard as I did for him because when it ends.. it fucking sucks...

WELL FUCK ME RIGHT? Why was it so easy to fall back into that so called love trap. I didn't want to feel this again.. He said he didn't want to hurt me in the long run.. well unfortunately this is killing me.. all I want is to be with him.. he's all I think about and just knowing he's available for anyone else is the worst. I don't want him to know how pathetic I am.. but its so hard to pretend to be happy when I feel like this.. I imagine having a heart attack could kinda feel like this.. I never knew heartbreak could be so physical.. shit hurts.

I'm getting to old for this shit. I want him to be happy and if that means sucking it up then fine.. I just wish this feeling would go away faster.

Who knew "just friends" could cause this much pain.

-chelle.

Drum Corp

I'm leaving for Drum Corp Friday June 12th. Move ins are on the 13th in Georgia.. should be fun?? lol Im going to be gone for 2.5 months? June 13th-August 9th. Touring the country and Competing in competitions. Wish Teal Sound Luck at DCI FINALS!

-Michelle

Yearly update:

Semester 2 at Palm Beach Community College. Wonderful Lake Worth campus.
english 2
spanish 2
speech
biology
lab
troubadours
concert chorus.

All classes I don't need lol. I changed my major like most college students. I was so sure I wanted to teach.. but yeah fuck that. Im going to nursing school. In the end it will have been the better choice anyways. Besides I'm excited about it.

As far as my last entry. I did make Medea winter guard and tomorrow, well today is our premier at Santaluces High. Kinda excited.

Park Vista Color Guard: is doing very well. Thanks to Mark and Darby.. I guess me too.. lol. It's fun helping out but its not going to be something I'm going to continue doing. I love the girlies though. They are fun.

Love life: Non existent.

Family life: like always I can't tell you. Don't really look into it often.

Boys: annoying.

Friends: still friends and still worth having :D

Yeah thats about it. nothing interesting as always. Although I have been having these weird dreams. I hate them. Fuck Dreams.

Hey everyone who still reads.
-Michelle

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