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updated? NO SHIT!

I wish I understood all that I thought and felt. But, that would be too easy wouldn't it. I guess if life were easy it just wouldn't be as much fun?.. I really hate this whole being alone thing. It's not necessarily that I want a boyfriend. Because whether he's my boyfriend or not its doesn't change the fact that I'm crazy about him. His smile drives me crazy and that kiss makes me weak. His eyes are so relaxing I get lost in the way he looks at me. I don't understand how its possible for a person to not even touch me and have the effect that he has on me. The worst part is he doesn't even know what he's doing. So to him looking at me is like looking at anyone else.. which I'm sure now after I've told him how I felt he just looks at me like I'm Pathetic. Why do I fall so easy.. and when I do why is it so hard to get back up.
Dating Dj taught me a lot.. most things to make me a better person but one thing was to never fall as hard as I did for him because when it ends.. it fucking sucks...

WELL FUCK ME RIGHT? Why was it so easy to fall back into that so called love trap. I didn't want to feel this again.. He said he didn't want to hurt me in the long run.. well unfortunately this is killing me.. all I want is to be with him.. he's all I think about and just knowing he's available for anyone else is the worst. I don't want him to know how pathetic I am.. but its so hard to pretend to be happy when I feel like this.. I imagine having a heart attack could kinda feel like this.. I never knew heartbreak could be so physical.. shit hurts.

I'm getting to old for this shit. I want him to be happy and if that means sucking it up then fine.. I just wish this feeling would go away faster.

Who knew "just friends" could cause this much pain.



Aug. 28th, 2009 02:09 pm (UTC)
i know how you feel michelle im sorry :(


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